On Phil McAbee
Phillip McAbee was a bit of a phenomenon. When you would go out with him he would start playful conversations with everyone you crossed paths with (and they almost always responded in kind). But where he really excelled was at home.
Phil was the next-door neighbor at my Silver Lake neighborhood in Los Angeles. For over 20 years he was a welcoming presence whenever I visited the west coast for an assignment.
As I write this I still haven’t fully processed that Phil passed away last week.
I did not see him often, but I came to regard him as a dear friend. He was one of the few people I didn’t feel I needed to impress or prove myself to. He just accepted and loved me for who I was.
Phil was friendly to everyone but would be especially warm and generous with those he liked and felt comfortable with. When I would pull up to the LA apartment after flying across the country, I would open the car door and the first sound I would hear is Phil’s voice, “Can I interest you in a martini, Chris Buck?”
He would often greet me with an offer of a martini, or a black coffee. And he made me dinner on the fly more than a couple of times. I certainly wasn’t the only person who received this sort of treatment, as Phil was at the center of a number of communities, and had many friends and family members whom he was close with.
Phil grew up in Louisville, Kentucky, and studied dance under Alfredo Corvino in New York in the eighties. He moved to LA to get a graduate degree in 1990, and that’s where he lived since. During the time that I knew him he largely made his living as a digital systems analyst, but he also led some adult ballet groups, and found the time to write a memoir about his youth.
With him now gone, there is a defined void in the world. Nevertheless, I will value the good friends that remain around me; and with them I’ll strive to bring that presence and sense of joy of the moment that Phil excelled at.
Top Image: Outtake from the “All Fours” series, shot in downtown Los Angeles, Fall 2006.
Bottom Image: A toast to friendship, Palm Court Apts, Los Angeles, January 10, 2023.