UNEASY Gene Simmons

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The first time that I met Gene, we spent 20 minutes arguing about what the shots might look like. I was frustrated initially but soon realized that he just enjoyed a good argument.

I found him curious, and the next day I called Esquire to pitch him for their What I’ve Learned column. They loved the idea and suggested that I do the interview with him myself. I was stunned, but thrilled. Here are some highlights from the finished Esquire text.

Kiss is the number-one American band in gold-record sales. In the world, only the Beatles and the Stones are ahead of us. Every other band should be wiping my ass. The line forms over there to the left.

Up until the Asians started doing better in math, the Jews were the geniuses of the world! Einstein and almost every Nobel Prize - forget about it, they’re Jews! And that’s because we don’t play basketball. We study.

There’s no message! Kiss is a Fourth of July fireworks show with a backbeat.

People say, “I want to get laid a lot and make lots of money.” That’s not the right order.

“You can’t buy love with money.” Only a poor person says that.

I think Christians are wrong. They’re wrong because you’re not judged by your actions, you’ll judged by your beliefs, which is to say that if you’re Hitler and right before you die you say, “Jesus, I’m sorry,” you get a better chance of going to heaven than the millions of people you killed.

The Koran is actually a beautiful book. Some of it has some good ideas. But practically speaking these guys are out of their minds.

I think I know it all, relatively speaking.

My mother used to say this to me when I was a kid: “I’d throw myself in front of a truck for you.” Over and over again. I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. "What do you mean, you want to throw…you’ll die.” I say that to my kids now.

My last meal? A Double Whopper and a Linzer tart.

Top Image: From our first sitting together, for Folio Magazine.

Bottom Image: Left: Richard Avedon’s Charlie Chaplin; Right: my homage to it from the Esquire shoot.

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